Our relationship blogger Priya Mulji explores a rather different and more intimate side of dating…
As a woman in her 30’s when I hear fellow young Asians saying things like ‘friends with benefits - that isn’t something that really happens in the Asian community.’ It makes me think… really? Maybe it is a lack of understanding or is it people being extremely narrow minded because it really does?
What are Friends with Benefits?
Friends with benefits is a term mainly used in Hollywood movies and sitcoms for two people who have no strings attached sex just for pure physical needs. It works like this; the people involved in this scenario are two singletons who may have just come out of a relationship or who don’t have time for a relationship. It is most likely two people who have been friends for a while, an ex or work colleagues who end up having an arrangement with someone they’re comfortable with who they will have sex with on a regular basis for that feeling of satisfaction and a little closeness. It doesn’t at all make someone a bad person, because these people don’t want to go out and have a one-night stand, but just want a little intimacy without commitment, hence choosing someone they know.
The pros to such an arrangement are that you can have sex with no explanation and you won’t feel bad. You could have some explosive sex too because you lose all your inhibitions (think about the Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie!). Also, because you know each other, there is less chance of getting hurt. You could be involved with someone in a FWB situation and actually realise you like each other and decide to give a full on relationship a go.
Of course there are the cons to such a union. For example two friends could hook up, one might develop feelings and tell the other but if the girl doesn’t feel the same then the friendship may be lost. Even though there are no expectations from the outset; there is a risk of dependency and again someone may get hurt when the other, eventually, does find someone other than the benefits buddy they want a relationship with.
I’m not saying having a friend to turn to in your time of need is right or wrong but all I will advise is be careful, always use protection and never feel pressured into doing something you’re not 100% comfortable with. It is easy to go into such an involvement with the romantic notion of ‘we will eventually fall in love’ and yes it has happened many times; what’s better than seeing someone at your make-up free best and then it turning into love? But try not letting your emotions get involved if you are. It’s easy for you and your best male friend who you’ve always kinda fancied to say ‘yeah let’s get it on but not be boyfriend-girlfriend.’ However, when you see yourself falling in love and he doesn’t give you the sign, take a step back or re-evaluate the situation. We all have our physical needs, but it’s not fair on your emotions to let yourself get carried away, then hurt.
Inevitably, if you do see yourself falling in love then tell the other person; because if you don’t you wont know how they feel. At that point you can either give a fully-fledged relationship a go, go back to being friends or walk away. If you don’t you may lose the chance to find love and we don’t want to give up the opportunity to find love; do we?